Listening to: Voices in Head
Watching: Forgotten Planet
Playing: The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim
Jeez, It doesn't feel like it's been this long since I've posted a journal but I guess 2012 is a long ways behind us now.
What can I say? My life has literally changed dramatically, and my art, thoughts, and emotions have been seriously affected. Only a couple deviants I know are really up to date with everything.
My mom passed away last Summer of Lung Cancer, officially. I attribute her death to medical incompetence, as a procedure was done on her that was necessary, but the people involved weren't qualified to do anything so major and then send her home. She died from a set of infections following that, and given her already weaken immune system, she barely stood a chance. It took her 11 days to die in a hospital bed far away from home. Thank God Dad and I were able to be with her. I attempted to work again shortly after that, since I took a term off of school to be with my father. Besides mom passing a few weeks before, working was one of the worse experiences I ever had. I asn't ready, and it the combination has affected my self esteem, self image, confidence, everything. I can't look in the mirror half the time without seeing mom now, and it's both a blessing and a curse. Little more than a year later I can still barely think about her, say her name, or even write this journal without choking up.
With that said, My art has been affected. It's harder to do, darker (minus what's assigned at school), and shakier. I just hope I can begin to improve again. I've started therapy and one thing that was suggested was I speak about mom more often and display my feelings about this more often. Maybe it's a good idea to put this out to the public, though only a few may read (or even care) about it. I thank school for giving me subject matter to work on or I'd have dropped off the site long ago. I began to paint and sing to help me deal with these pent up emotions. Maybe that'll help me through my artist rut.
For anyone who's read this fully, thank you for your time in trying to understand my feelings here, given that I've just emptied my purse in this journal.
P.S. Getting rid of a LOT of Old Art, which has been moved into my Main folder. Don't get attached to the crap lolz